Thursday, November 18, 2010

Commitment issues

I came across this article today that just makes my heart ache.   Seriously??  I mean,  if people cannot truly commit, why bother at all?   By taking the marriage vows, you are telling the other person that "I will fight for you and put this union first."   Maybe I am weird, but if Big Daddy would have told me that he loved me, but that he would just rather not go throught the process, I would have told him not to let the door hit his you-know-what on the way out. 

Has the selfishness in our nation reached a point where we cannot even promise to put another first??  What kind of legacy do we really want to leave the next generation?  That as long as we are personally happy, all other relationships are disposable?  That there isn't anything truly worth fighting for? 

Relationships are hard.  Marriage, in my opinion, is the hardest.  You have 2  selfish, independent persons coming together to vow to love, trust, take care of, and be faithful to for life.  The vows don't say "except for.....,  only if my spouse deserves it........,  if we stay the same people......".   The vows make a statement of convenant that I WILL- PERIOD.   My guess it that this is where the breakdown happens.  When one spouse is dependent on the other to keep their part of the promise alive.  Only willing to do the work if the other is doing theirs. 

Sad really.  I have learned in my marriage that its in those times that I put selfishness aside and loved Big Daddy when I thought he least deserved it, that did more strengthing of my love for him.  Even more is when I realize that I was the one being a selfish jerk and he chose to love me anyway.  Talk about falling deeper in love- WOW.

I guess the biggest part about this article that makes me so sad is that so many people are missing out on something so awesome.  They aren't even willing to make the commitment in the first place!  I am not even getting into the spiritual aspects of marriage in the way it was created- by God.  (Of course, with God in the center the word "awesome" just doesn't even come close.)  It's just that people don't mind working really hard for something when they know what the outcome is going to be.  Shoot, anyone can do that.  But someone who will make the effort to do whatever it takes (heartbreak, loss, loneliness),  that's true commitment.  So why is it that 40% of Americans seem to want to settle for less?

**Ok, so after I wrote this, I read another good post by MckMama about making marriage work!  Click her name to view**


  1. I love being at the point in my marriage (10 years) that I can admit that it IS hard. At first, I think you are too afraid to admit it. Like, is it like this for everyone? But, enough water has gone under our bridge now that I can look back and see things in perspective. I didn't marry a perfect man. A mighty fine one but not perfect. Sometimes he really hurts me. And unfortunately, sometimes I really hurt him. I love him so much because we are both willing to look at each other and say "I'm sorry" and move on into another day of making this life we have together. whew. Sorry that was so long. lol

  2. this makes me sad. So many people do not understand God's gift to us in marriage. They let the world tear apart the covenant of marriage until it's gone. I am thankful for a husband who works hard in our marriage!

  3. Thank you so much for writing about's so good to hear a non-mainstream perspective about marriage. There is so much hope and freedom in the way God designed things to work!


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