Okay, with that out of the way, I am most certainly not in the mood for anything Christmas! While I did manage to get decorations done (as many as I am going to do), I have no desire to shop for gifts. For some reason, it is this time of the year that people seem to lose all sense of common sense and courtesy. This is not only for the general public. This also applies to our home. I have been really battling the "its all about me attitude" from everyone of our children, and needless to say, its contagious. I have found that in my desire and labor to battle this, I have bitten by the same attitude. (Contrary to what you may think- I am not Supermom) I have been asking myself questions like these:
"Why should I keep doing this when nobody even cares or is thankful?"
"Why should I even buy anyone a Christmas gift? They don't deserve it!"
"Why do I even speak when I am in this house if nobody listens?"
Do you hear the problem with each of those questions? They contain a whole lot of "I". Just this morning I was talking to my mother on the phone (complaning- sorry mom), when I realized what I had allowed happen in this family. Instead of leading by example, I allowed myself to be consumed in sinful attitudes. The big kicker came when I heard the Lord wisper, "you didn't deserve what I did for you, ya know". Ouch. So, I am currently under renovations in my heart, attitude, and daily commitment to the Lord. Here is the prayer that I offered up in laying it all at his feet:
I am about to lose my senses. You know this already, of course, but I am bringing this to you as a plea for your help. I am truly losing it!
- My sense of sight- I am losing the ability to keep my eyes on you in the midst of worldly attitudes and self-centeredness. Instead of keeping my focus on you, I find myself allowing the contagious sinful attitudes to seep in.
- My sense of hearing- I have allowed the worldly noise prevent me from hearing your voice telling which way to go and what to believe. (Isaiah 30:21)
- My sense of touch- Lord, I haven't felt your presence and love surrounding, comforting, and protecting me and my family. I know its our own fault, but I miss the warmth of your unconditional love, unending joy, and unspeakable grace that only you can provide.
- My sense of smell- I have lost the aroma of your Holy Spirit filling my heart so that it overflows with you. Please allow me to clean up, clean out and make room for my heart to overflow with goodness and mercy.
- My sense of taste- I want to taste the sweetness of your love and words roll off my tongue, instead of the bitterness that has been present lately.
- My sense of balance- The biggest of them all, my life is out of balance. If it weren't, I wouldn't be here losing all other senses. I have allowed myself to put my time with you each day to the side and let busyness take over.